Has someone ever said to you, "Hey, did you hear me?" What they are really asking is, "Hey, are you listening to me?" Hearing is the physical act of sensing noises and tones. Listening is the art of hearing something with thoughtful attention. Hearing is passive; listening is active. One takes a great deal more effort than the other and requires conscious action on your part.
It is estimated that the average person uses only 1/4 of their listening capacity. Listening, like running, takes a lot of energy, so you have to work on building up your listening stamina. The more you practice, the better your listening skills will become and the more you will learn in the process.
The great news is that you have opportunities every day to work on your listening skills. Customers, employees, and family members are a just a few people we interact with on a daily basis. Relationships with these people, and others in our lives, can be greatly improved if we focus on really listening and understanding what they are saying. All too often, we rush to judgement and assume we know what the speaker means, which can lead to frustration and disappointment on both sides of the conversation. If we listen with an open mind, however, we are promoting cooperation and sharing of ideas, which leads to even better communication.
It also fulfills a basic human need of feeling acknowledged and understood. Everyone wants to know that they matter - so let others know you care by taking the time to listen to what they have to say.
To help improve your listening skills, practice the Four R’s of Effective Listening:
Respect - Understand that their opinions are important to them; clear your mind; do not prejudge.
Real time - Show you are interested in them and their situation; listen actively; focus on what they are saying; hold off from forming questions or opinions.
Relate - Understand and identify with their perspective; be empathetic; respond with affirmations, such as "I see" and "I understand".
Reflect - Ask questions to ensure you accurately perceive what is being said. Seek clarification where there is confusion, and identify true issues, feelings and thoughts.